


If I Had My Time Again

by Riddlebird-puff (hobbitpuff)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Author Loves Dick Grayson/Nightwing, Bruce/Batman is the Narrator, Depression, Dick Grayson is Robin, Dick Grayson is of Age But Not Yet Nightwing, First Batjokes Fic, Groundhog Day - Alternative Universe, Implied Sexual Content, Its Batman Day, Joker is an Unreliable Narrator, Joker is the Character Stuck in Time, Joker too, Lots of Talk, M/M, Not Specified but Bruce is Bi-Sexual, Or Is It?, Penguin/Riddler mentioned only, Suicidal Thoughts, Title Based On Groundhog Day the Musical, Verbal Foreplay, Who Knows With the Joker, attempted suicide, death mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-23 10:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbitpuff/pseuds/Riddlebird-puff
Summary: Happy Batman Day! Or the Groundhog Day AU Joker didn't know he needed.(A/N: this fic is from the pov of the person who does not know they are stuck in the loop and takes place in one night)





	If I Had My Time Again

**Author's Note:**

> If you had told me a year ago that I would be writing a Batjokes fic I would've thought you madder than Joker. (After asking you what Batjokes was). Yet here I am. 
> 
> There were many influences for the characters I used in this fic (yes even Lego-verse and Gotham) but there is no one Batjokes pairing that this is based on. However Batfleck is a BIG influence for this older Batman and Joker is mostly a mix of Ledger (the scars) and Leto (but with more of a classic Joker look) But feel free to picture the characters however you want.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Joker references dying many times in this fic and this does include death by suicide - though nothing is graphic.

Bruce keeps to the shadows between rooftops, moving away from the lights and noise of the parade far below. ‘ _ Bat ears! Get yer bat ears here!’  _ The vendor’s shrill voice rings through the audio of his cowl. He knows the voice, one of Penguin’s henchmen if he isn't mistaken. He should probably investigate, but he knows Penguin is first and foremost a shrewd businessman and there is a lot of easy money to be made in Gotham this night, and the man isn't doing anything illegal much as Bruce might want to argue.

 

He jumps to the next roof and sees that he is not alone. The figure stands at the edge of the roof with their back towards him. But even in the dark Bruce would recognizes the figure,  _ especially _ in the dark. He would know that tall slim form if he were blind. He feels the suit attempt to lower his heartbeat, increase the oxygen coming from his cowl. 

 

Joker.

 

‘ _ Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman!’  _ The simple song comes from loud speakers on the parade float, joined by the festive citizens of Gotham on the street. He could slap Dick for coming up with that stupid ditty.

 

Joker pulls out one of his comically oversized, but still deadly, pistols and aims at something, or, knowing the killer clown, someone, below him. Bruce rushes forward but his knee locks up and there was a small delay while the suit makes a correction. It is only a brief delay, hardly noticeable, but with an enemy like Joker every moment counted.  _ ‘Batman… Batman… Bat-’  _ the speaker screeches loudly followed by an explosion. 

 

Bruce grabs for Joker’s wrist but the clown slips away. He turns and throws both arms up, totters on the precarious ledge. “ _ Batsy… Batsy… Batsy…  _ fancy meeting you here beneath the moonlight like this, how  _ romantic _ . Come here often,  _ handsome _ ?” He giggles at the joke.

 

Keeping the mad clown in his sight Bruce looks over the roof to assess any damage he may have caused below. Though it appears the only thing hurt by the attack is the loud speaker. He catches Robin’s gaze. Dick signals that everything is green, gestures quietly towards the other figure he has no doubt spotted through his goggles. Bruce shakes his head.

 

There is the understanding that the Joker is  _ his  _ to deal with and  _ only _ his. Dick has begun to resent Batman’s protection but Bruce does not trust the unpredictable clown to fight fair with the young man who has become something like a son to him. And he cannot trust the defiance growing in Robin not to do something that would change Dick forever. 

 

He watches Robin stand straight on the float beside ‘Batman’ and preen like his namesake before the large crowd, hands on hips. ‘ _Do not fear citizens of_ _Gotham! Batman and Robin are here to protect you!_ _Not even the Joker dare attack today. Not on Batman_ _Day_!’ Dick smiles and the crowd yells. 

 

Bruce sighs fondly. Dick knows how much he despises this day.  _ And why does he have to antagonize the Joker like that?  _ He fears Dick’s spirit is going to cause him trouble one of these days. Even if it is one of his most endearing qualities. 

 

“If you're not careful your boy wonder may grow to  _ big  _ for the costume,  _ Bats.”  _ The clown gave a low whistle.

 

Bruce blushes under the cowl at the Joker’s words. He had not thought of Dick’s growth spurt in such a way but perhaps it  _ is  _ time to change the costume into something more age appropriate. 

 

“Although I must say, the boy wonder has grown into quite the man wonder. What fun to play with one such as he-” 

 

Bruce grabs the Joker by his collar and pulls him close. “If you touch him in any way, this game is over. Understand?” 

 

“Awww, do I see a glint of green in those  _ pretty _ blues?” Joker leans even closer, and Bruce does not pull away. “Don't worry your  _ pretty _ little bat head, Batsy. There's only room in my shriveled old heart for one fluttering flight animal and it ain't a  _ pretty _ little robin.” The clown stretches against the Batsuit and gives his bare jaw a brief kiss, a hot brand he will feel on his skin for hours after, days. 

 

He hates how tempting it is to turn his head and taste those fiery lips with his own mouth. Surely the burn would last longer with such a taste, or perhaps it would burn him inside out until nothing of  _ him  _ was left. It is ridiculous that such a chaste kiss can leave him with such  _ want.  _ He is  _ Bruce Wayne _ , infamous playboy. He can have any woman or man he wants.

 

Joker gives his sly trademark smirk that haunts Bruce's dreams, knowingly as though the clown can read all of his thoughts, desires. The Joker dances away before Bruce can push him away, his coat twirling like a dress around slim legs. 

 

“What need have I for a bright colorful songbird when you're so much  _ fun  _ to  _ play  _ with,  _ Batty?”  _ He blows a kiss, laughs. “I'm enough color for both of us though I must say a little red looks good on you, red goes so well with black after all.” 

 

Bruce will not give the clown the satisfaction of wiping the lipstick stain from his jaw. Though, he will have to remember to do so before meeting up with Dick later tonight or he will never hear the end of the teasing. 

 

‘ _ We have no need for speakers, Gotham! Let us show the villains of the city that we do not fear them with our voices raised together in unity.’ Robin begins to sing.  _ ‘ _ Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman!’  _

 

_ “ _ It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags! Maybe Batman Day doesn't come from a store.” Joker clutches at his heart dramatically as though in pain. “Help me, I'm melting,  _ Batsy.”  _ He staggers backwards and climbing the edge of the roof straightens and holds his gun out to the side. “How many do you think I can take out before they stop singing?”

 

Bruce puts his hand over a batarang that hangs from his utility belt but does not yet remove it. He puts his other hand open towards the clown, takes a step forward. “And here I thought they were playing our song.” When the Joker is in a mood like this it is best to humor him. 

 

_ Joker beside the Bat in the Batmobile on the way to another visit to Arkham, hands bound behind his back, a smile on bloodstained lips, mouth still swollen from Batman’s fists, mocking him with that hated theme song. Batman had not known if he had wanted to shut him up by punching him with his fists, or with his own mouth. It had been the longest drive of his life.  _

 

“We need a new song,  _ Batsy. _ ” The Joker drops the gun to his side and flips around to face Batman. “Something we can  _ dance  _ to. Something with a  _ beat _ . Something with a  _ pulse.”  _ The clown begins to sway in a not quite dance. “Have you ever been driven completely mad by a song? It bores into your mind until you feel like the only way to remove it is to dig into your brain and remove it piece by piece by  _ bloody _ piece until there's nothing left.” The clown brings his hands up to his ears. “I tried that once, you know, but it keeps coming back, night after night, after night, after night, after night.” He singsongs. 

 

There is something off about the mad clown tonight, he realizes. His clothing is somehow missing his usual stylish flair and he is not wearing any makeup except the red lipstick. His unnaturally white skin glows the lightest blue in the moonlight, no ink marks his skin. The clown appears almost regular, though there is no disguising the distinctive neon green hair that has become his trademark feature. 

 

“You didn't find me  _ that _ night,  _ Bats. _ ” The clown becomes angry. “I like to imagine you searched all night and found me too late. Did you cry for me,  _ Bats _ ? Did you give a kiss to what was left of my skull? Or did you crunch the remains beneath your bat-boots?” He jerks to the side. “Serves you right. Where were you? Screwing around with some  _ brainless _ supermodel, while I lay  _ brain less  _ in an alley, I bet.” He giggles and loses his balance. 

 

“Joker!” Bruce rushes forward and catches the clown’s hand before he can fall. Not even the stabilizer in the suit can lower his racing heartbeat. 

 

“Would you  _ catch _ me if I fell?” Joker leans back towards the edge of the roof. “Would you  _ fall _ to save me,  _ Batsy _ ?”

 

“I will catch you, Joker.  _ Always. _ ” 

 

“You were always too sentimental for your own good,  _ Batsy _ .” Joker smirks. “You are the only constant in this crazy universe.” He tugs on Batman’s gloved hand with surprising strength. “Fall with me,  _ Batsy.  _ We would rule Gotham together. No one could stop us. With  _ Batman  _ as the king of Gotham who would dare oppose your rule?  _ Crime, Law, Justice would all answer to one man. You.”  _

 

“Am I to believe that you would be satisfied at the side of the king? What role would you play? Iago whispering of betrayal in the king’s ear?” 

 

“I've always seen myself as more of a  _ Puck  _ personally.  _ Robin Goodfellow.  _ If you're ever in need for a replacement  _ Rob-in  _ keep me in mind, my legs look incredible in tights, definitely need a  _ bigger  _ codpiece though.” The clown wraps one of his legs around Bruce's calf. “I'll be  _ beside _ you,  _ beneath  _ you,  _ behind  _ you,  _ however  _ you  _ want  _ it,  _ Baby. _ ” He whispers in the suit’s audio receptors, and grinds down on Bruce's hip. “The King of Gotham and  _ his _ Clown Prince. Gotham would be  _ ours. _ ” 

 

“You would only get bored and discard me like you did with Dr. Harleen Quinzel.” 

 

The Joker presses his thumb hard underneath Bruce's throat. “We will  _ not _ be speaking of  _ Harley Quinn. _ ” The clown growls in his face.

 

“You're like a child with a new toy, Joker.” Bruce does not struggle. “You can't resist breaking it to see how it works but you lose interest as soon it's worthless.” 

 

“I  _ did not  _ break Dr. Quinn _ zel.  _ I  _ made  _ her. Harley  _ Quinn  _ is my  _ masterpiece.  _ If you don't want to see your reflection don't look in the mirror,  _ Bruce-y. _ ” 

 

Bruce breaks the Joker’s hold on him and takes him by the neck. “What did you call me?” 

 

“You heard me,  _ Batsy _ .” The clown giggles. 

 

Bruce always knew this day was coming, and somehow he always knew it would be the Joker. Just as he knows what he  _ should  _ do. It is the only way to keep his identity secret, to keep his family, Dick and Alfred, safe. He lifts the clown over the ledge. 

 

“How long have you known?” 

 

“Eighty years, and a day.” The Joker giggles. “Give or take a few days.” 

 

“How did you figure it out?”

 

“Oh, Bruce-y, the same way I knew that actor down there on the Bat-float was a fake before I even  _ exposed _ him. I  _ know  _ you. Whatever mask you choose to wear I will always  _ know  _ you.” 

 

“Does anyone else know?” 

 

“Eddie  _ knew  _ but he does not  _ know.”  _ The clown laughs. “Ah, it was a delicious joke, too bad he won't ever remember. Eddie thought he set an easy trap for a pretty playboy millionaire by kidnapping an elderly butler and instead caught a rabid man-bat. The look of surprise on that smug face right before I shot him was just the right  _ punchline  _ to his pathetic life. I almost felt  _ bad  _ but I knew he'd be back with no memory of my betrayal.”

 

“What have you and Nygma done with Alfred?” Bruce tightens his grip around the clown’s throat and brings him close. “If either of you have harmed him-”

 

“ _ Yess, Batsy.  _ Give into that anger _. Just. Let. It. Go.”  _ He sings _. “ _ It's the one chance to do what you've always wanted without consequence. You won't even remember this, except perhaps as a bad dream. But I'll wake with the knowledge that I finally  _ pushed  _ you.” The Joker laughs. “Or maybe that's what  _ she  _ wants. All the great comedians know that the best jokes are like loaded bullets in a game of Russian Roulette. Sometimes the joke is on _ you. _ Maybe this is the one, my  _ final joke _ .” 

 

It frightens Bruce how easy it would be in the moment to just let go of the clown’s hand, finally. How many innocent lives would be saved by the death of this  _ monster  _ in his hand? How much innocent blood is on  _ his  _ own hands by allowing the clown to live? How many people like his  _ parents _ ? 

 

And what of all the other victims of Gotham? Where would it end? The King of Gotham? The Batman would become the greatest  _ monster  _ of them all. Bruce would be completely gone. The Bat would become the Joker to Dick’s Robin. A vicious circle without end. 

 

It is the imagined look of disappointment on Alfred's features that finally wakes him from the nightmare. 

 

“Neither can live while the other lives.” The Joker chuckles. “Though, kill one and they both die.” 

 

_ The Joker and Batman or Batman and Bruce Wayne? Or perhaps both. _

 

Bruce pulls the Joker up and throws the clown on the roof. “Leave the riddles to Nygma.” He begins to bind Joker’s hands behind his back. “Where is Riddler?” He actually hopes the clown has not harmed Ed, as irritating as the man can be Bruce is  _ almost  _ fond of him. Not to mention the war Penguin would wage on Gotham,  _ and Joker _ , if anything happened to his  _ favorite.  _

 

“Last I saw him, Penguin had  _ Eddie _ tied up, figuratively and  _ literally _ if you get my meaning.” The Joker grins at Bruce. “The  _ things  _ I've seen those two  _ get up  _ to would make even you blush,  _ Batsy _ .” 

 

“Cobblepot and Nygma? I've known about them since I was nineteen.” Bruce dryly chuckles. “Gordon had gotten word that Penguin had been taken by Riddler. He said he had tracked them to an old abandoned apartment, one of Riddler’s safe houses, only when we got there it seemed Cobblepot didn't need to be rescued after all. If everyone knew Gordon doesn't have a sense of humor I would think he set me up on purpose.” 

 

_ Twenty-two years.  _ Bruce realizes. The thought makes him  _ nostalgic.  _ The Penguin and Nygma may be the subject of ridicule from the other rogues but they have been together longer than most  _ lawful _ couples in Bruce's life. The thought makes him  _ sad. _

 

“ _ Eddie  _ knows how to use his tongue, and not just for telling riddles, let me tell you.” The clown licks his lip. “Almost worth the trashing Penguin gave me afterwards.” He giggles. “ _ Ozzie  _ though…,” he gives a whistle, “the  _ freak  _ must practice on all those frozen fish he's so fond of eating to scare visitors. Didn't even notice Eddie sneak up behind me until I felt his hands around my throat. It may have been the lack of oxygen but I swear there were stars. The  _ little death  _ and  _ big bang  _ all rolled up into one. Heh. Should probably repay Eddie for  _ killing  _ me but considering the joke with the Bat I figure we’re even,” the clown shrugs. “Those two  _ freaks _ are even too  _ kinky  _ for me.”

 

“You're claiming Cobblepot and Nygma  _ murdered _ you, was this  _ before  _ or  _ after _ you claim you killed Ed?”

 

_ “ _ Since this  _ game  _ began I have  _ lost  _ seventy-six and a half lives.” The Joker wheezes. “I have been stabbed, beat, and shot to death. I have been burned  _ and  _ drowned, in water  _ and  _ acid. Electrocuted. I have fallen  _ and  _ jumped to my demise. I have had my heart  _ ripped  _ out of my chest.  _ Twice _ . I once had the pleasure of  _ feeding  _ a hungry  _ Croc  _ a live meal firsthand, which was something I  _ never _ wish to experience again.  _ And  _ I have even  _ cut  _ off my own face.” 

 

“How do you lose a half life?” 

 

“Made a swan dive off _Way-ne_ Enterprises. A Bat _broke_ my fall _and_ _back._ ” He laughs.

 

_ Joker smiled and gave a small wave before falling backwards off the roof head first, laughing the whole time. Batman ran forward but he was to late to jump and catch the clown. He threw his grappling hook down and wrapped the cord around the Joker’s legs. The clown’s slim form was jerked suddenly to a stop and he was thrown violently into the side of the building. The sound of breaking glass sounded like bones breaking. But Joker’s laughter never stopped.  _

 

It is not a memory, but for a moment Bruce can almost  _ see  _ it as though it were. 

 

“Are you claiming to be immortal now, Joker? Never figured you were one for Godhood.”

 

“ _ Im-moral  _ maybe.” The clown lowers his head against Bruce's suit and giggles. “Not a  _ God  _ but perhaps a  _ Devil. _ This is definitely not  _ Heaven  _ but perhaps it is  _ Hell. _ ”

 

The Joker lifts his head and looks at the Batman. A strand of neon green hair has fallen across one of Joker’s matching green eyes, and Bruce brushes it back without thinking. The clown closes his eyes and leans into his hand, and when they open again they are much closer than Bruce anticipates. 

 

Bruce has seen the Joker at his most manic. He has seen him high on Crane’s drugs. He has seen him doped into a catatonic state in Arkham. But he has never seen him as sober as he appears right now. And that worries him. 

 

_ ‘In a world that has gone mad, the mad man is the one that is sane, Batsssy.’  _

 

The Joker Bruce knows has always been aware of his madness, the clown embraces it. He does not know what to do with this Joker who plays a game Bruce does not know how to play. 

 

This Joker that believes himself to be  _ sane _ .

 

Bruce holds Joker by his bound arms.

 

“What  _ game  _ do you  _ play _ ?” 

 

“No games. We're all on a carnival ride that we can't get off of until it takes us to the  _ end _ .” The clown grins. “You know that giant clock outside city hall? We're all  _ hanging  _ by one of arms going  _ around  _ and  _ around  _ in a circle that  _ never  _ ends, day _ after  _ day  _ same  _ day _.  _ And I am the  _ only  _ one aware.”

 

“So, what is this? Some kind of midlife  _ crisis _ ? Everyone has had the feeling that every day is the same.” 

 

“You don't  _ understand,  _ Bruce-y.” The Joker giggles. “It isn't that every day  _ feels  _ the same, it  _ is  _ the same day. Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow. It's  _ always  _ Batman Day.” 

 

“Impossible _. _ ” 

 

But is it? Hasn't Bruce learned that nothing is  _ impossible _ ? 

 

“I can prove it. Look down.” 

 

Bruce  _ does not  _ trust the clown but he stands and looks down anyway leaving the Joker bound.

 

“And the Condiment King arrives on stage left.  _ Nice  _ of them to sponsor this parade by the way. Note how your boy wonder helps the old man up on the float while the Batfake distracts the audience. The Condiment King challenges the Batfake and shoots his  _ secret family recipe ketchup  _ into the air. Now things are about to get  _ fun. _ ”

 

The idea of  _ fun  _ to the Joker makes Bruce nervous. But he  _ trusts  _ Dick to be able to handle anything the clown has planned below. 

 

“The Condiment King threatens to shoot his  _ new and improved recipe mustard  _ into the crowd. The  _ boy scout  _ leaps up and grabs onto the bars above the float and does a triple axle, maybe you can sell the  _ bird wonder  _ to a  _ circus  _ when you're done with him.”

 

Bruce knows the clown enough by now to know his choice of the word  _ circus  _ is not a coincidence. The Joker taunts him with the knowledge that he knows the Robin’s identity too.

 

He watches Dick swing himself from bar to bar like the acrobat he was before Bruce trained him how to use his body as a weapon. He is having  _ fun  _ playing to the crowd, a born showman. This isn't Robin the boy wonder, Bruce realizes. This is Dick Grayson, heir to the  _ Flying Graysons.  _ The future Bruce has denied him.

 

“See the Batfake pull out a  _ toy _ arang. Watch carefully now.” The clown giggles. “Note the form, the precision of the aim. Too bad he has forgotten about the  _ treasonous  _ puddle of ketchup in front of him.” The crowd’s cheers quickly turn to jeers. “And down he goes.  _ Batfake taken out by his greatest enemy, Condiment King!  _ But wait! The  _ toy _ arang hits Condiment King’s mustard gun before he can shoot the  _ Batfake  _ with it, and the  _ spicy  _ ammunition sprays upwards and shoots a  _ bird  _ in flight.”

 

Bruce watches between amusement and worry as the spray of mustard strikes Dick and the Robin lets go of the high bar and fails to catch the low bar, now covered in the oily condiment, falling on his back on top of the Condiment King himself. 

 

“ _But_ the young _birdling_ has somehow turned the battle. Three… two… one... and... _strike out._ _Touch Down._ And the _little_ birdling flaps to his feet, licks the Condiment King’s mustard off his hand, and takes a bow.”

 

Bruce  _ almost  _ smiles when Dick performs a back flip to his feet and helps the Condiment King up, then licks mustard from his glove. ‘ _ Delicious. But don't take my word for it. Free burgers for all on behalf of Wayne Enterprises!’  _ Dick smiles and winks at the crowd, while the crowd is distracted he gives a cocky salute up to Batman. And then he gives a theatrical bow.

 

The boy is  _ clever.  _ Too clever for his own  _ good  _ sometimes. But Bruce is  _ almost _ proud of him. If he didn't suspect the young man mostly did it to get back at him and not as a way for all parties to avoid any embarrassment. 

 

“And the Batfake takes the Condiment King’s hand and they take a bow together.” The Joker claps his hands behind his back. “The crowd goes  _ crazy  _ for the show.” 

 

“You're saying this happens every night?” Bruce turns back to the Joker.

 

“Most nights.” The clown shrugs. “When I don't  _ interfere  _ anyway. I'm guessing this was not in the script.”  

 

Bruce does not want to ask how he has interfered.

 

“No, the original script was not as…  _ entertaining _ ,” Bruce gives a smirk that is  _ almost  _ a smile, from him. “But this proves nothing. You could have bought off the actors to sabotage the act.” 

 

“I _could_ have. I could have also _threatened_ them to follow the new script. But. I. Did. Not.” The Joker licks his lip. “And you know there’s one _player_ down there that I could never _bribe,_ your own boy wonder _pants_.”

 

The clown speaks the truth, Bruce trusts that Dick had nothing to do with this scheme. But this is the sort of _game_ the Joker is best at playing. The clown never _lies,_ but his best _trick_ has always been the _illusion_ of _truth_. He does not have to lie.

 

“No, but you could have anticipated how Robin would react.” The Joker has that talent of  _ knowing  _ people. And Dick had never been known to be  _ subtle.  _ Batman crosses his arms. “I  _ need  _ more, Joker.” 

 

“I do know one more thing.” The clown struggles behind his back. “Before you apprehend your prisoner  _ always  _ check for weapons first.” The Joker stands with his hands still behind him. “You've been  _ careless,  _ Batsy.” He brings his hands in front of him and drops the cut cord that had held him to his feet. In one hand he holds an oddly shaped black knife. “ _ Like _ the blade?” The clown drags the tip of the blade along one of his scarred cheeks. 

 

Bruce recognizes the knife as an altered batarang, the serrated bat wing serving as the blade. 

 

“ _ Where _ did you get that?”

 

“I thought it was a gift.” Joker taps his shoulder with the blade. “You shouldn't leave your  _ toys  _ in people if you don't want them to  _ play  _ with them.”

 

“Put the weapon down, Joker.” Bruce holds his empty hands out. 

 

“Do you know why I prefer a knife to guns?” The Joker licks the blade obscenely. “Knives are more _intimate,_ even more than _sex._ A blade can slice through any _illusion_ to the _truth_ of a person.” The Joker places the tip of the bat wing in the corner of his scarred mouth and pulls. “The _clown_ sliced off his mask and he didn't much _like_ what he saw.” 

 

“Give me the knife, Joker.” Bruce holds his hand out. “ _ Please _ .”

 

“ _Funny_ choice of words to the man pointing a knife at you.” The clown points the bat knife towards the Batman. “I wonder which is the illusion, the _Dark_ _Knight_ of Gotham or the _Golden Son_ of Wayne? Shall we find out?” 

 

“An illusion wouldn't be able to beat you, Joker.” 

 

Bruce walks towards Joker. He almost wishes the clown  _ would _ attack him, and not just because he knows the Batman could easily disarm him.

 

“I  _ know  _ you, Bats. Not the  _ knight.  _ Not the  _ son.  _ The  _ true  _ you that you hide behind the  _ day  _ mask of Wayne and  _ night  _ mask of the Batman.” The Joker gestures with the knife. “I  _ know  _ why you're up here with  _ me  _ and not down there with  _ them _ .”

 

“I'm here to stop you, Joker. Nothing more.” 

 

“You  _ always  _ find me, Bats. Night  _ after  _ night  _ after  _ night. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're  _ drawn _ to me.  _ I  _ complete  _ you _ . You  _ need  _ me. Without me you would just be another  _ freak  _ in a costume like  _ them _ .  _ They  _ are dying  _ sheep _ being lead to s- _ laughter  _ not knowing they were  _ dead _ long before the blade.  _ We  _ were  _ not  _ meant to be like  _ them _ .” 

 

The clown pauses.

 

“I admit it was  _ fun  _ at first. I was finally  _ free  _ of the confines of  _ time _ . I could do whatever I wanted without  _ consequence.  _ For a  _ creature of chaos  _ like myself, I was like a child breaking curfew. But it quickly became  _ boring _ . It's like playing a game in god mode. Without the  _ danger  _ of  _ game over  _ there's no challenge. No  _ fun _ .”

 

The clown giggles. 

 

“ _ They  _ say  _ insanity  _ is doing the same actions  _ over  _ and  _ over  _ expecting a different outcome. Then  _ sanity  _ must be committing different actions  _ over  _ and  _ over  _ with the same outcome. If that is so, I am the  _ sanest  _ person in Gotham today.” 

 

Bruce does not believe Joker’s tale. But the clown does and that's all that matters in the end. 

 

“Maybe you're not looking at this the right way. If you can really do this thing you say you can do, you've been given a new beginning every day. You have a chance to do the right thing.” 

 

“What? Like this is some kind of  _ karmic joke?  _ Help enough old ladies cross the street and get enough  _ karma  _ points to pass to the next level.” The Joker giggles. “What does it take to get through the last level? Become a crime fighting vigilante with a cool animal nickname? Can I be the  _ Flying Squirrel?  _ Because I'm  _ nuts…  _ get it? My secret weapon could be mini bombs shaped like chestnuts hidden in my codpiece.”

 

The image is ridiculous enough to make Bruce chuckle.

 

“I propose a compromise. Give me the knife and I will stay the rest of the night with you and we’ll wait for tomorrow together.” 

 

“You _really_ need to work on your negotiation skills, _Bats_. Here's _my_ deal, you _give_ me the cowl, I _hand_ you the knife. And _if_ tomorrow comes we return the items to their original owners. _Deal?”_

 

Bruce  _ knows  _ he should refuse. He  _ should  _ take the clown back to Arkham and wait out the night  _ there _ . But he feels as though Joker is still out on that ledge threatening to jump and Bruce is not ready to let that hand go. 

 

“Deal.” 

 

The look of surprise on the clown’s face makes it almost worth it. 

 

Bruce steps away from the ledge towards the Joker. “Audio off.” He cuts off the audio feed to the Batcave. And slowly and carefully begins to remove the cowl. It is almost too  _ easy _ . He quickly tugs it off before he changes his mind. He looks down, looking up at Joker without the cowl feels like the bravest moment he has ever faced. Bruce looks up, holds the cowl out to the clown. 

 

The Joker reaches for the cowl, eyes only for the item in Bruce's hand. Bruce grabs the clown’s arm and pulls forward. “The blade first, Joker.” The clown glances up at Bruce's bare face but quickly glances away when his green eyes meets his. 

 

The clown flips the knife in his free hand and drags the tip of the blade against Bruce's cheek. “Why the  _ frown _ ,  _ Bruce-y? _ ” Joker pushes the tip of the blade between Bruce's lips and tugs a corner upwards. “Come on, show  _ us  _ the smile that sells your net worth in magazine covers.”

 

Bruce does not trust the clown. But he does not fear him. He  _ knows  _ Joker will not pull the blade. This is just part of the game they've always played. 

 

Bruce Wayne the billionaire playboy gives the Joker his most _charming_ smile. The smile that had been his first mask, even before his parent's murders.

 

_ “Freaky.”  _ The clown shivers. “But I  _ think  _ you can do better than that,  _ Mister Wayne.  _ Pretend I'm one of your beautiful _ socialites  _ you're trying to  _ bed _ . Put a  _ smile _ on my face or I put one on  _ yours _ .”

 

Bruce feels something like the same rush of adrenaline before a good fight with the clown prince. Ignoring the blade digging into his mouth he leans forward and tilts the clown’s head up to him.

 

“My R and D department is experimenting with ways to harness the energy of smiles to power the city of Gotham.” Bruce gives Joker the smile that he has perfected for seduction. “You could light Downtown Plaza with the watt of your smile.” 

 

The Joker stares up into Bruce's naked eyes. His own green eyes wide with something like fear, if Bruce did not know better. The hand holding the knife begins to tremor. The clown shakes and throws his head back with laughter. 

 

The clown prince has many smiles and Bruce had thought he had seen most of them as the Batman. But he has never seen the clown smile like he just had for Bruce  _ Wayne.  _ Open. Naked. Honest. He could almost feel proud of causing a smile like  _ that  _ on the clown’s face if not for the odd twinges of  _ jealousy  _ that puts a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

“Heh. Heh. That was so  _ bad  _ it was almost  _ good _ , Batsy. Don't tell me you've actually used that line on the usual  _ dimwits  _ draped on the arm of the son of Wayne.” 

 

“There's usually no need for pickup lines.” 

 

_ Flirting _ was not something he usually enjoyed. He approached potential sexual partners the same way he would a business partner. An agreement for a trade of services both parties benefited from. But this  _ thing  _ with Joker is different. With the clown  _ flirting  _ and  _ fighting  _ were nearly the same thing.

 

“You're  _ lucky  _ you're cute  _ and  _ rich.” Joker pulls the knife out of his mouth. “But a  _ deal  _ is a  _ deal.  _ You gave me a smile so you get to  _ keep  _ yours.” The clown turns the blade inward and places the knife in Bruce's hand. “Now  _ honor  _ your end of the deal,  _ Bats. _ ” 

 

“Give me your word, you'll return this when morning comes.” 

 

It isn't that Bruce does not have replacement cowls but he really does not want to have to call Alfred and try to explain how he lost it.

 

“ _ Bats  _ honor.” The clown places both index fingers on either side of his head like bat ears and laughs. “The  _ patients  _ do that in Arkham, Batsy. Do you know?”

 

Bruce  _ does  _ know. He also knows the  _ inmates  _ of the asylum speak the swear as a joke. Or a curse. But from the  _ mad  _ clown he can almost believe it. The clown respects no law but has always held a twisted deference to  _ the Bat.  _ And mercy to Gotham if that ever changed. 

 

Bruce holds out the cowl to Joker. “Don't make me regret this.” He still isn't sure about this. But trust has to work both ways.

 

The Joker reaches for the cowl but stops just before touching it. The clown slowly touches the material with almost  _ shy  _ fingers. He  _ pets  _ it. And a sort of  _ humming  _ vibrates from his throat. 

 

Bruce has never let himself imagine what the clown would sound like in  _ his  _ bed but he knows he will never be able to unhear the sounds coming from that slim throat at that moment. 

 

The Joker takes the cowl from Bruce's unresisting fingers. The clown holds it up by the tip of the ears and stares at it for a long moment. He holds the material under his nose and  _ sniffs _ . Then he takes a bat ear and swipes the edge with his tongue. He  _ growls _ .

 

Bruce almost wishes he were still wearing the cowl but then remembers he would not be able to feel the clown’s long tongue even if he were.

 

“Always wanted to do that.” The Joker meets Bruce's eyes. “Not as  _ satisfying  _ without the  _ Bat  _ attached.” The clown winks. “I have no  _ need  _ for the mask. I  _ want  _ the  _ man  _ behind the Bat _ man. _ ” He tosses the cowl back to Bruce. He shrugs. “I just wanted to see if you'd actually do it.” He giggles. “Didn't think you would.”

 

Bruce catches the cowl by reflex only. He notices the clown got a trace of red on the spot he had licked. He rubs the spot with the gloves of his fingers. He has the sudden urge to take off his glove and rub the stain with his naked fingers, to put his fingers in his mouth and taste the trace of Joker’s kiss. And  _ suck. _

 

“Have you ever had  _ sex  _ in the suit?” 

 

“ _ What?  _ No. Of course not.”

 

Bruce tries to  _ not  _ think of taking the Joker as the Batman. Of being  _ taken  _ by the clown in nothing  _ but  _ the cowl. 

 

“ _Awww Batsy,_ look at you _blush.”_ The Joker giggles. “Batman blushing like a _virgin._ ” 

 

“I'm hardly a virgin.” 

 

“I know all about Bruce the  _ playboy  _ Wayne's  _ reputation.  _ But we're not talking about  _ him _ .” The clown places his hand on the Bat chest and leans so close Bruce can smell the lipstick on his painted lips. “We're talking about the  _ real  _ you,  _ Batsy _ .” 

 

“I  _ am _ Bruce Wayne. The Batman isn't  _ real. _ ” 

 

“You _actually_ believe that don't you?” The Joker doubles over in laughter. “You still haven't figured it out yet _._ Bruce Wayne does not _exist._ He is just a _mask_ Batman wears to _pretend_ to be _regular._ ” 

 

Bruce  _ knows _ better than to let Joker’s words get to him. But the clown has always known how to get under his skin.

 

“The Batman is nothing but a  _ mask. _ ” Bruce holds up the cowl. “I can take it off at any time.” 

 

“It  _ isn't  _ the mask that makes the  _ Bat _ man. Give a man a mask to hide behind and he'll show you his true face.”

 

“Is the clown your mask, Joker?” 

 

“I cut the mask away and became  _ free _ .” 

 

Bruce looks at the scars on the Joker’s face and feels a chill. 

 

“You're  _ not  _ free, Joker.” Bruce sighs. “The  _ Joker _ is as much of a costume as the Batman.” 

 

_ ‘Who are you, Joker?’  _

 

_ ‘I am no one.’  _

 

“Is this your way of getting me out of my clothes,  _ Bats _ ?” The Joker drops his coat and begins to unbutton his dress shirt. He holds his arms out. “No matter the  _ costume  _ I am the Joker. Even  _ without  _ the costume.” The clown spins in a circle. He unbuttons his pants. “Do the  _ panties  _ match the brassiere, do you think?”

 

The clown’s slim chest is completely hairless and as milky white as his face. And his nipples stand out in the cold wind. This detail makes Bruce uncomfortable, thinking of the clown as a  _ sexual creature  _ is bad enough but thinking of him as a  _ sensual creature  _ is somehow even more of a betrayal. 

 

The only hair he has seen on the clown is on his head. He does not even have a hint of brows. And there is no body hair to speak of that he can see. If he had thought about it he would've supposed the lack hair continued below the waist as well.  _ Not  _ that he had.

 

“Always figured you as more of a  _ commando  _ kind of guy.”

 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You're  _ fun  _ tonight, Batsy.” The Joker leaves his pants unbuttoned but stops going any further. “Too bad you won't  _ remember  _ this but as a  _ wet dream _ .” 

 

“How does this thing work anyway?” Bruce clears his throat. “Does the clock stop at midnight or something?”

 

“The  _ fireworks  _ show begins at the count of midnight. Twenty-two  _ explosions,  _ one for each year the Batman has  _ guarded _ Gotham.” The clown jumps on a low chimney and crouches. “Nineteen… Twenty… Twenty-one and then  _ rewind _ .” 

 

Twenty-one. The same number of years that the Batman and the Joker have been adversaries. Bruce knows the number is significant. 

 

“Then what? Does it feel like falling asleep? Do you blackout? Do you feel dizzy? Light-headed? Are you having frequent headaches?” 

 

“It just happens.” The Joker sits down. “Like turning off a computer screen.” 

 

“And the nights you don't  _ make  _ it to midnight? Do you recall anything those nights? After you  _ lose a life, _ to use your own term, and before you start the day again?” 

 

“What, Batsy? Like a bright tunnel of light with all of my loved ones at the end waiting for me?” The clown laughs and kicks his feet. “It's more likely the fiery pits of Mordor for the likes of me, wouldn't you say? With all the devils I've sent before me waiting with pitchforks. That at least would be  _ something.  _ But there's  _ nothing,  _ Bruce-y. No bright light. No brimstone and fire. And definitely no dancing  _ Starbucks Coffee. _ ”

 

Bruce does not know what he expected the clown to say. But he finds himself strangely  _ disappointed _ . 

 

Bruce leaps up and sits next to Joker.

 

“Have we ever been together when time resets?” 

 

“Not exactly  _ consciously,  _ if you get my meaning.”

 

Bruce sighs. “How long have we been  _ doing _ this, Joker? Some days it feels like  _ time  _ is chasing us from behind and we're only a step ahead from being stampeded. What happens when  _ it  _ catches us, Joker? We can't keep doing this  _ forever.” _

 

“There's only two ways for this  _ game  _ to end. Either you win or I win.” The Joker shrugs. “But there can be no Joker without Batman.” 

 

“What if it doesn't have to be that way?” Bruce stares ahead. “I've been doing this for twenty-two years. I'm in my fourth decade and I'm getting  _ tired _ . I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this before my body gives in. I would  _ like  _ to retire from the Batman someday.” Bruce has not told Alfred or Grayson but he has already begun the process of leaving everything to Dick in motion. There is just one loose end, the Joker. “You can still get  _ help _ , Joker. It's not too late. I can help you if you  _ let  _ me.” 

 

“Arkham  _ created  _ the Joker, Batsy.”

 

“I'm not talking about Arkham _.”  _ Bruce pauses. “There's a clinic I found in Switzerland. I believe they can help.” 

 

“You want to ship me out of Gotham? I thought we had something _ special. _ ”

 

“I would come with you. We could leave the Batman and the Joker behind us. We could be whoever we want.” 

 

"There is no leaving Gotham. Not for us.” The Joker laughs. “ _ She  _ would not let you go.”

 

“Do you mean Selina? She would be the first one to throw a farewell party if I left Gotham. And she wouldn't even invite me.” 

 

“The  _ Cat _ never did forgive the  _ Bat  _ for trying to put a collar on her.” The Joker giggles. “That  _ wild  _ cat was never meant to be housebroken, you never understood that.” 

 

Bruce should not be surprised that the clown somehow knows the details of the failed engagement but his knowledge of the affair shows that he has been aware of Batman’s true identity much longer than he had admitted to. 

 

“Who then?” 

 

“Gotham. Even when we're long gone  _ Gotham _ will always have need of  _ her _ Batman and  _ his  _ Joker.”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Do you want to know how this started? I tried to  _ leave _ , Bats. I tried to quit the  _ game. _ ” The Joker giggles. “But  _ she  _ brought me back.” 

 

“You can leave Gotham, Joker. There's no  _ force  _ forcing you to stay here.” 

 

“You don't understand,  _ Bruce.  _ I didn't just try to leave Gotham. I  _ quit  _ the game. I cut off my face and slit my throat. I  _ died  _ laughing choking on my own blood.”

 

Dr Jonathan Crane once believed there was something in Gotham  _ itself  _ that caused so many of its citizens to go mad. Not for the first time Bruce wonders if there might be something to that theory after all. 

 

“You know what's really  _ funny _ ?” Joker giggles. “Every night I'm  _ afraid  _ I won't wake up this time.”

 

Bruce removes his glove and takes the clown’s hand. “You're alive, Joker.” He rubs the vein on Joker’s wrist with his thumb. “You're  _ here  _ with me right now. And I'm not going anywhere. Tomorrow will come. I promise. And I will still be here beside you when it comes.”

 

“I suppose it wouldn't be so  _ boring  _ to be stuck with you.” The Joker inhales deeply. “Would you do it all again? If you had the chance to just be Bruce Wayne would you take it?” 

 

“No.” Bruce shakes his head. “But if I had my time again I would find out who Bruce really is. Not the prodigal son of Wayne Enterprises. Not the Batman. But that small boy that died when his parents were killed in front of him.” 

 

“ _ Wayne,  _ you're rich enough to buy self awareness.”

 

“Time is one of the few things money can't buy, Joker.”

Bruce rubs circles on Joker’s wrist. “The older I get the more I've realized time is worth more than any riches in the world.”

 

“You  _ can  _ afford to say that.” Bruce can practically feel the clown’s eye roll. “So what would  _ you _ do with all the time in the world? And remember the rules of the game. Everything resets at the end of the day and only you have memory of the day before. And as a special challenge, you can't use your wealth in this game.” 

 

_ The first firework explodes above their heads.  _

 

“For starters I would watch fireworks from a rooftop.” Bruce puts his arm around Joker. 

 

“Fireworks bought with  _ Wayne  _ riches no doubt. But I'll let you have the first one free.”

 

_ Two. _

 

“Sit down with an old  _ friend  _ and get to know them.” 

 

Bruce feels Joker’s hand in his own.

 

_ Three. _

 

“I would climb the tallest tree on the estate just for the  _ fun _ of it.”

 

_ Four. _

 

“I would fly a kite.”

 

_ Five. _

 

“Read a book.”

 

_ Six. _

 

“Or write a book.”

 

_ Seven. _

 

“I would eat an entire cake in one setting.”

 

_ Eight. _

 

“Learn to cook.”

 

_ Nine. _

 

“Buy a gift for each and every child in Gotham.”

 

_ Ten. _

 

“Find a cure for cancer.”

 

_ Eleven.  _

 

“Solve every mystery of the world.” 

 

_ Twelve. _

 

“Learn to paint.”

 

_ Thirteen. _

 

“Learn to play the piano.” 

 

_ Fourteen. _

 

“Get a tattoo.”

 

_ Fifteen.  _

 

“Learn a magic trick.”

 

_ Sixteen.  _

 

“Pet a lot dogs.” 

 

_ Seventeen. _

 

“Go see a movie.”

 

_ Eighteen. _

 

“Catch up on a favorite show.”

 

_ Nineteen.  _

 

“Go to an amusement park.” 

 

_ Twenty. _

 

“Learn to dance.”

 

“Are you telling me with all the  _ galas  _ Bruce Wayne has been invited to, you have never learned to dance, Batsy?” 

 

“That isn't dancing.” Bruce shrugs. “My father and mother used to watch old dance movies and copy the actors’ moves. I used to watch them more than the actors on the screen. In my memory they were more graceful than Astaire and Rogers.”

 

“I'll be Fred to your Ginger,  _ Bruce-y. _ ” The Joker clasps Bruce's hand and pulls him to his feet. “Ever danced with the pale  _ devil  _ in the moonlight?” 

 

Bruce allows the clown lead. It's a  _ nice  _ change. 

 

_ Twenty-one.  _

 

“You've got one more before this night ends.” The clown squeezes Bruce's hand painfully. “Better make it count.”

 

The clown is frightened Bruce realizes. And he knows what his last wish is.

 

“I'll remember but you won't?” 

 

“That's the game,  _ Batsy.”  _

 

“Then I would do  _ this _ .” 

 

Bruce tilts the Joker’s chin up and  _ finally  _ brings their mouths together. He rubs the sides of Joker’s scarred cheeks with his thumbs and the clown gasps as though in pain but holds Bruce closer deepening the kiss. He sucks Bruce's tongue and bites down. The Joker tastes of lipstick and blood. 

 

_ Twenty-two.  _

 

* * *

 

“N _ a na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.” _

 

Joker wakes suddenly and flips Bruce on his back. He sits on his stomach and holds his arms above his head. 

 

“You stayed.” 

 

“Of course I did. This is  _ my  _ penthouse.” 

 

“What day is it?” 

 

“The day after yesterday.” 

 

“What day was yesterday?” 

 

“It was Batman Day. He saw his shadow and there'll be six more weeks of winter.” 

 

“Ha.  _ Bats.  _ We  _ did  _ it. Tomorrow came.” 

 

“I would say we both  _ came.” _

 

“And they say my jokes are horrible. I  _ hate  _ you so much right now.” 

 

“I  _ hate  _ you too,  _ Jokes _ .” 

 

“This isn't your first rodeo riding a bronco, is it?” 

 

“No. But you are my first rodeo clown.” 

 

“Ha. Ha. Heh.  _ Batsy _ .” 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So... was Joker telling the truth or did he just trick himself into Batman's suit? I know (as the author) but I like the way the fic works that it can go either way... so I'm not telling... yet
> 
> As for the end... I don't see this as a "fix" for Joker nor do I see this as the beginning of a long-term steady relationship between the two. He'll probably be "good" for awhile but will definitely go back to being the clown prince we all know and (not so) secretly love. Though, I also don't see this as a "one time thing" only either. So... who knows? 
> 
> Also- even though Joker "does not lie" do not take everything he says as truth. My favorite characterization for the Joker is as a manipulative s.o.b. who f***s with his victim's minds - and even Bruce isn't completely immune. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! This was a beast to write but it was a lot of fun and I'm almost sorry to let it go. Almost.


End file.
